Thinking Aloud!

The long wait was almost over. Her mother was nearing the ninth month of her pregnancy. The nervousness with which I awaited the birth of my first daughter was something way beyond expression. I was excited, but I was also apprehensive. All kinds of thoughts crossed my mind. Would the baby be a boy or a girl? Would the baby be healthy? Many of my friends predicted that it would be a boy. But deep down in my heart I never expected a boy. In fact, I was not bothered. A baby is a baby, boy or girl, I thought to myself.

The only thing that bothered me was what name to give. I was reluctant to pick a name as I was not too sure about the sex. But ultimately I ended up choosing two names - one of a boy, and the other of a girl.

It was not easy picking a name. According to our custom, the first-born, both male and female, have to be named or christened by my parents. That is, if it is a boy, my father will name his grand-son, and if it is a girl my mother will christen her grand-daughter. So, in a way I have no business to be busy with the name of my soon-to-be-born child. It was the duty of my parents to find a suitable name for their grand-child.

However, I thought it was proper to give her a Christian name which will be easily pronounced and understood by others.

So, I laboured through different volumes of dictionaries searching for a suitable name - one that was not common, but at the same time one which would be easily recognizable, spelled and pronounced. As I leafed through the pages of dictionaries, the name Nadine stuck in my mind though I kept trying for other more suitable names.

At that time I didn't know that the name was both French and Russian and its dimunitive is Nadia, and that it had its Arabic variant meaning  delicate, moist, tender. I had taken the name to be Russian, and what really took me in was its meaning "my hope".

My first-born, my hope!

At the same time I didn't want to give my daughter a name which was all too familiar with others. I want her to be the one and only Nadine around. I don't know how many Nadines would have been there in India in 1994, but if I'm to make a wild guess it could be counted with the fingers. Again, the very name Nadine is also not very popular. At its peak in 1933 only 0.065% of girls were named Nadine. In the popularity ranking of names it was #234 and in 2009 it was not ranked at all.

Name aside, since her birth on August 19, 1994, it has been an incredible journey throughout.

A tough competitor with a sharp bent of mind,  she is intuitive, intelligent, brilliant, caring and adorable. Through the years it has given me immense joy to watch her grow up to be a fine young girl. She has excelled in her studies and extra curricular activities. And as the years went by and with age, she has learned to be a useful help even in the kitchen.

My work and the compulsion of circumstances took us to different places since her birth and it was
a proud moment for me to see her enter college earlier this year(July 2).

To My Angel Wife
Our daughter Nadine is sixteen today! We missed you so much. Last year on this day, as you were bed-ridden, though I knew that it was Nadine's birthday I didn't say anything. What was I supposed to do? She was mature enough to understand my predicament and the situation we were in and didn't insist on a celebration because though our hearts refused to accept the reality, our heads knew that it was not going to be long before we say "goodbye".

Things are difficult in your absence but we know that life must go on....and that you would not want us to dwell on our past and the painful pangs of separation, and that you would want us to enjoy the rest of our lives...as we did when you walked among us.

You would just want us to be strong and move forward and that’s what we will endeavour to do.

I have asked her to invite a few of her friends and the families of her uncle(paneu) and aunties(nini-te) for birthday dinner this evening.

You will be sorely missed at the table but I know you'd be watching over us from where you are, and sweetly smiling. And I know one fine day, when God calls us all home, we will all sup together, even in the presence of Jesus.

And until that day......

To My Daughter Nadine
As you turn sixteen today,
it brought me to my knees,
with happiness and joy,
to the Almighty for the blessings I have in you;
and unbridled and unguarded tears,
on knowing your angel Mother must be very proud of you,
as I am of you!

Be grateful for the life that God has given you,
learn from the memories of your sweet mom,
that life cannot be taken for granted.
It is God who rules over us all.
We are not the master of our destiny,
but God is!